Hugs and Kisses

Last night was Sophie night. It was good AND difficult at the same time. Good in the sense that with each conversation I am blessed to learn a little more about my sweet Sophie, and connect with her in what has to be the seemingly quickest half hour of my week. I love to watch her many expressions on the computer screen and to hear her sweet voice as she sings her favorite songs. Sophie has a quiet tenderness about her that is simply breathtaking and in the very next moment she’ll make a silly face, or become so animated as she speaks, that I find myself totally captivated. I hang on her every word and movement. My heart gets so full during these exchanges, that I find I forget there is a screen between us.

Unfortunately, John was away on business tonight, so he wasn’t able to see her this week. Sophie firmly asked to see and talk with her baba, and was visibly disappointed when she couldn't. With it being summer vacation, Nathan and Owen are staying up later and they really enjoy getting to know their little sister. They each take turns talking with her saying, ‘ni hao mei mei, wo ai ni’ (hello little sister, I love you) and Sophie returns with ‘ni hao gege (big brother), wo ai ni’. My mom and dad are here for a visit again, so Sophie was able to talk with her grandparents as well. Oh, she definitely has them totally smitten with their first grand daughter:-).

Sophie was in a very loving mood tonight. She kept wanting to give hugs and kisses through the camera. It was precious to see her hold out her arms for a hug and pucker her lips toward the camera. My mom had a hard time with this conversation, as you could visibly see how much Sophie yearns for real hugs and kisses from her forever family. Sophie kept saying to my mom, “I want you to come closer, closer…”, as she tried to kiss and hug the camera. My mom had to eventually turn away because she couldn’t hold back the tears any more. If you could have seen Sophie’s face as she looked at my mom, deep into the camera, it was as if she truly believed that if she could get close enough she could feel the warm kiss and embrace of her grandmother through the screen. Her innocence and hope was so powerful, and the unfairness of having to settle for a hug and kiss through a computer screen, became emotionally overwhelming for us all. (As I write this, I quickly remember how much more we are given than most adoptive parents, and I do feel guilty for what I am feeling. Please endulge and forgive me, I just want to be honest with my feelings at this point).

I am reminded of the resilience these children have that I can only attribute to His grace as He protects their tender hearts as they wait for their families. Tonight, I truly saw my daughter’s heart. I think of all that my dear child has been through in her short time on earth, and I’m honestly left wondering how she has not only survived emotionally, but how she has retained the abundant and genuine love she has in her heart. Of course, I am forever indebted to New Day for the care and love Sophie has received since being there, and the positive difference they have made in her life. Although it brings a degree of peace to my heart in knowing she is receiving many hugs and kisses, the unmistakable truth is that NOTHING takes the place of a forever family for these children. I see how ready Sophie is for her family, for us. I see how she accepts the extended wait with acceptance and strength beyond her years, despite the unfairness of it all. Though I fully trust in His timing, and His plan, my heart still aches beyond words to hold her already. The light at the end of the tunnel that we were so close to now seems so far away. Sophie stated again to me that she wanted me to come NOW, and I watched my daughter listen intently to my answer…an answer that I had to literally force through my mouth as I choked back the tears that tried to claim my words.

I promised Sophie we WILL come for you. We’re coming as fast as we can, as soon as we are allowed. We will get on a plane to come get you and then you will get as many hugs and kisses from us as you want ….for REAL….FOREVER. We are your family now, always, even though we are apart. I know it’s hard to wait. It’s hard for us too, but until mama and baba come; please know we think of you every day. We carry you in our hearts and we love you so very much.

Please pray for resolution and peace in her province, so that the many children that wait can be united with their families.

For a brief moment toward the end of the conversation, Sophie turned her head away from the camera. The light hit the side of her beautiful face, and I caught a glimpse of a single tear that hung in the corner of her eye, desperately trying to not run down her cheek. It was as if it wanted to be missed; to not draw attention as to what might be silently going on deep inside her at that moment.

It was time to go.

It was time to for Sophie to join her preschool class, and begin her day....thankfully, filled with activity and blessed with love from caring people to help her endure the wait.

Sophie bravely waved goodbye, blew us kisses and walked away from the computer screen and into her day.

Until we meet, sweet child…remember…God is there, and through all this, He loves you, and always, He is good.

Water Babies!

I really needed to laugh this morning, and this fit the bill!!!! (Stop the music at the bottom of my side bar to get the full effect).



Makes me want to buy some:-).

RIOTS??!!!!

I awoke this morning to an email from Victoria's mom, Kim alerting me to what has just occurred in Sophie's province. This article was posted on a great travel blog that I follow, which is written by an American who has been living and working in Xinjiang for the past 3 years....

Monday, July 06, 2009
Xinjiang Crippled by Urumqi Riots; Curfew Set
On Sunday, July 5th at around 9:30pm Beijing time, a riot began which has crippled Urumqi, the capital of China's Xinjiang province. As with any such event here in China, reports are sketchy and numbers vary drastically. Misleading photos and estimations are already circulating all over the web. Reliable details won't be available for at least another 24 hours, but here is a list of what can be confirmed:

Many Uyghurs have taken to the streets of Urumqi, overturning vehicles and breaking store windows.
Deaths have occurred (reports of three as of this writing, but not confirmed)
A curfew has been set for all residents of Urumqi (official government-issued announcement)
Most videos and pictures about this riot are being blocked in the mainland as soon as they appear on the internet.
What is not clearly known at this time is the reason for the riots. Most people speculate that it has something to do with the incident in Shaoguan in which a toy factory brawl left 2 Uyghurs dead and many more injured. Blame for the Urumqi riot will most likely land on the shoulders of Rabiya Kadeer, one of the most prominent Uyghur leaders who had called for the Uyghurs to protest this incident.

If you are planning on traveling to Xinjiang anytime this week it might be wise to reconsider your plans. Security will definitely be tight and police on high alert at this time.

An update will be made once further information is gathered, but until then you can read more here:
The New Dominion: Riots in Urumqi - Videos
ESWN - The Urumqi Mass Incident (New Roundup)
Reuters - Riot Strikes China's Xinjiang Region Capital

We would have landed in Urumuqi on July 5th with the adoption scheduled for July 6th......major chills here!!!!!

This is further confirmation that our travel delay was truly part of His plan, and for our benefit....as always....

GOD IS GOOD!!!!

A Treasured Present

THIS is what I woke up to this morning....



As I said yesterday, His timing is always perfect!! I was able to see and talk with Sophie last night...what a perfect way to finish out my special day! We saved a piece of birthday cake, and during our Sk*ype conversation we lit a candle. After everyone finished singing Happy Birthday, Sophie helped me blow out the candle through the camera:-). It was wonderful!! Later, all on her own, she sang Happy Birthday to me in Chinese...oh, be still my heart.

Thanks Carrie for doing this....I will treasure this picture always!

God is good!!!

Resting in His plan

First, I really have to thank all of you for your kind words of support, and for keeping us in your prayers....they ARE being heard, and we know we are truly being carried through this.

Without going into detail, I have to share that God has blessed us by revealing the purpose behind our delay to Sophie. We have fallen on our knees in gratitude for His unfailing love and provision. Honestly, being in 'mommy mode' most of the time...when I first heard of this delay, though John and I were distraught over the change in plans, my biggest concern and subject of prayer was Sophie and what this turn of events would do to her. We have been shown and reminded that God is so powerful, so good, and has unfailing love and protection for ALL his babies, no matter how old we are. He cares for each and everyone of us and without a doubt, has us in the palm of His hand. As I always say...God is good!!

Today is my birthday, the big 4-2...and I feel so blessed! I have a wonderful husband, 2 precious sons, a beautiful daughter that I get unprecedented access to during this waiting period, and to top it off, tonight is 'Sophie night'...perfect timing again;-)!! What a wonderful gift to be able to talk with and see my sweet Sophie on my birthday. My guys bought me a bike and I've been breaking it in between the raindrops here today. Now we can all go on bike rides as a family.

I couldn't end this post without an updated picture of our bathing beauty!! It looks like Sophie likes the water, and between our pool and the beach, that's a good thing!



Psalm 33

4 For the word of the Lord holds true,
and we can trust everything he does.

11 But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever;
his intentions can never be shaken.

18 But the Lord watches over those who fear him,
those who rely on his unfailing love.
19 He rescues them from death
and keeps them alive in times of famine.
20 We put our hope in the Lord.
He is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
for our hope is in you alone.

Heartache

I just heard from our agency.

Xinjiang will now NOT let us in due to H1*N1 concerns. Our travel plans are on hold. We were only 9 days away from leaving.

I am beside myself with sadness right now, and worried for Sophie.

She knows we are supposed to be there soon. She has a calendar marked with a smiley face on the day we are due to arrive. How much longer is she going to have to wait?

I'm really quite numb.

It's 'Sophie night' tonight. John is away on business, and I pray I can get through this without crying.

I don't know what else to do right now except pray.

I know His timing is perfect, and I have to put my trust in that.

It's just plain hard right now.

I just want to be with her.



Even when I don't understand. Always, God is good.

Where we're at...

Here's where we're at...

2 weeks from today we'll be landing in Beijing:-)

2 weeks and 1 day from today we'll be meeting Miss Sophie:-))))

School's out tomorrow for the summer!!

Nathan did make the LL All Star District baseball team...yes, he's PUMPED!!

I feel like I'm really starting to get things pulled together for the trip. I have all the necessary gifts, paperwork, plans and provisions for the boys while we're away, and I've started to pack Sophie's things. As for me....I'm someone who does most of the packing the day before....never understood how someone can pack weeks in advance, unless you have two separate wardrobes, extra toiletries, makeup etc,.... I do however, make pretty detailed lists in advance and I check things off as I put them in the suitcase. Works for me:-).

My neighbor Terry (the one who is putting together Sophie's 100 wishes quilt) made Sophie another quilt that I'm decorating her room around. Here's a picture of it ( the actual quilting on top still needs to be done;-)....



Here's Sophie's room before...




Her room was the nursery, and has been used as a guest room for the past few years. It's obvious to see, all I did was get rid of the crib and rocker and put in a double bed. Owen's quilt(yes, made by Terry) is still hanging on the wall with the matching curtains. Sad, I know, but hey, the bed is comfortable;-)!!!!

I'll be posting the rest of the room transformation before we leave:-)

As for my emotional state lately...well, other than waking up at 4:00am most mornings, with things racing through my head, I'm doing OK, all things considered. I'm getting really excited AND nervous at the same time, with all the 'what ifs' filling my thoughts. We do have H1N1 in the community, and I'm just praying we all stay well. The last time we saw Sophie on sk*ype, she showed us her calendar page. She's able to count the boxes, and she has a huge smiley face on the day we are to meet her. PLEASE say a prayer this all goes as planned...I really can't wait to hold my baby!!!!!

As always, God is good!!!